Come back from the overseas bearing a stack of those speckled American 'Secret World of Alex Mack' notebooks I'm so obsessed with, the penis bone of a fox in a charmingly labelled test tube, and photographs of yourself on a mobility scooter at Disneyland.

As an aside, I photographed these on a fresh copy of Harper's that had just arrived in the mail. The same person bought me a subscription for my birthday. Now that's the way to get, as the kids say, mad pussy.