Talking with someone today I've realised that I can't talk about what I do during the day (I think they call it working?) without itemising what exactly I did. I didn't just sit aimlessly in the library pecking at the great Akira-esque fleshmound that is this thesis, I re-drafted two sections of The Cunting Application, read some articles and wrote swear words in some book on... anyway, you get the picture. I swear I'm not trying to be a bit painful, it's all unconscious. I reckon there are two reasons for this. Firstly, lately I spend my days without any other human company. It's hard to get motivated and I have to employ every Pavlovian, hacky trick in the book to not just sit on the couch picking my toenails watching 'Gilmore Girls.' One of those is a relentless itemisation of everything that must be done, otherwise those things won't ever get done.

Secondly, sometimes I really doubt that I'm doing anything of worth at all. Why didn't anyone tell me the first semester of this business is just like being an unemployed person, but with a student card? Perhaps I'm trying to remind myself, out loud, that things do happen in those long hours in the library.

Le sigh.

I kind of wish I had a real job.